FORT MEADE, MARYLAND -- The National Security Agency (NSA) has released a second patch that patches the initial patch used to control the Heartbleed Bug that affected the Secure Socket Layer (SSL) of data encryption on the internet.

REDMOND, WA -- In an attempt to grow market share, Microsoft has reached out to the fastest growing market segment in America--the elderly--with a new series of "Elderapps" designed to address their concerns.

The first app, "BM Tracker" was released this week and we've got a review.

At first glance, the app seems overly simple. There are two sliders:

TOKYO, JAPAN -- Sony Corporation expressed shock today that its sales of the Playstation 4 were significantly below expectations. 

"Who would have expected this?" said company spokesperson, Pi Likelady. "The standard model is that people will buy a new gaming system every year, then spend $50-$60 per game to buy new versions of games because the old ones are not backward compatible."

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Comcast Corporation announced that it has purchased the entire Internet in exchange for a $3 million payment to the federal government. The company plans to continue to offer high-speed internet access, but will begin adding a $50 "Internet Fee" to all bills. Users who do not have Comcast will no longer be allowed to surf the web.

Tens of thousands of people flew to Ho Chi Minh city to plead with Flappy Bird creator Dong Nguyen to put the game back on the app store. Click through to see if they succeeded.