"Six Cameras Just Aren't Enough"

SEATTLE, WA -- Amazon corporation is rumored to be developing a cell phone with six cameras attached, five on the phone itself and one on a long cable for capturing upskirt photos (this feature is automatically disabled in Massachusetts).

Unfortunately, users have decided they won't be buying this yet-to-exist phone.

"Only six cameras?" said one hipster, who rolled his eyes so hard his Google Glass rebooted itself, "I'll pass until they have at least eight."

Comcast Buys Internet

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Comcast Corporation announced that it has purchased the entire Internet in exchange for a $3 million payment to the federal government. The company plans to continue to offer high-speed internet access, but will begin adding a $50 "Internet Fee" to all bills. Users who do not have Comcast will no longer be allowed to surf the web.

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