Windows Warns Users of Its Impending Demise

REDMOND, WA -- Seeing the writing on the wall, Microsoft Corporation has put a new feature in Windows 8.1 showing the number of minutes remaining until the software shuts itself down, permanently.

Said Microsoft VP Steve Ballmer, "On October 27, 2021 at 8:43:57 a.m., something is going to happen that will cause Windows to never, ever function again. We can't say what it is due to a Nondisclosure Agreement, but it's big and, trust me, on that day Windows is going to be the LEAST of your worries."

Tech4Days contacted computer guru John MacAfee, who currently resides in Belize, for comment:

"It's no coincidence that Virgin Galactic is starting up. Richard Branson, the Koch Brothers, and a bunch of tech people from The Valley have to get those ships in orbit and fully functional. Something very disastrous is going to happen near the beginning of the second term of Sarah Palin's presidency. It's all been foretold. Why do you think I'm in hiding? It's all interconnected. They're listening to us right now. Just beware of ..."

At that point, we heard some static on the line and our connection was abruptly terminated. We will keep you posted if we hear of any further developments.