IRVINE, CA -- Earlier this week, Edward Snowden revealed that The National Security Agency (NSA) has been playing Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games (MMORPGs) such as "World of Warcraft" to gather intelligence and keep us safer.
We contacted Snowden, or someone claiming to be Snowden, on Skype yesterday. Snowden refused to show his face and, instead, all we saw was a picture of a fluffy kitten with a snowy background that may or may not have been Russia.
Though we can't verify any of these things are true, we're going to print them anyway. According to Snowden, from playing World of Warcraft the NSA has learned that:
- The Guardians of Earthly Might guild faked its IMGUR screenshots of its "defeat" of Yogg-Saron. The guild has wiped on this boss for more than a year now. Member "Misty321" faked the pictures because she "got tired of doing the same g*******d thing 500 times in a row!"
- "Mightywarrior" purchased gold in-game and did not earn it as he claims.
- "Princess_Etherea_927" is a dude IRL (in real life).
- "Swordslinger18" ganks newbies in Crossroads because IRL he is 60 years old and still cooking fries at McDonald's.
- Druids will be nerfed sometime in 2014.
- Working for the government doesn't have to be boring if you can get paid to play video games all day long
T4D will report on any future developments in this story.