NSA Releases Second Patch for Heartbleed Bug

FORT MEADE, MARYLAND -- The National Security Agency (NSA) has released a second patch that patches the initial patch used to control the Heartbleed Bug that affected the Secure Socket Layer (SSL) of data encryption on the internet.

"The first patch made it too difficult for us to do our jobs properly, so we're releasing a second patch," said NSA spokesperson "Angus Steek" (real name hidden to protect identity). "This patch to the patch is for the good of the American people and if you love America you will install it and if you don't we'll install it for you."

Users who don't install the patch are opening themselves up to tremendous risk everytime they surf the web. A user in Kansas City declined to install the patch and was audited by the IRS within hours.