Nordstrom Holds "Virtual Black Friday"

NEW YORK--Upscale Department Store Nordstrom decided to make its wealthy clients experience what Black Friday is like for those not in the 1% by semi-crippling their web site.

According to Milton Puffersnuff III, the Vice President of IT, "Each aspect of the site was designed to mimic the experience of a sub-Nordstrom customer in a typical Department Store on a Black Friday".

    • 30 Minute Site Load Times: this was designed to mimic waiting in line in the cold for hours to be able to buy a crappy Craig Television for $39.
    • 45 Second Page Redraws: this was designed to mimic waiting in line at the cash register to pay for your Crappy Craig Television and receive your free Rubber Reindeer Antlers.
    • Incorrect Pages Appearing: this was designed to mimic the Bait and Switch where an ad implied that you could buy an iPad for $19 when all you can really get for that price is a reconditioned Microsoft Surface RT.
    • Extra Charges at Checkout: this was designed to mimic having things run up incorrectly at checkout and not wanting to deal with the long lines to go back and fix it.

The site was fixed after a couple hours because, according to Puffersnuff III, "the wealthy have suffered enough in this country."