REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft Corporation announced today that, two weeks ago, its super-secret algorithm "Predictor Plus", correctly predicted that the Seattle Seahawks would win the Super Bowl with a final score of 43-8.
Spokeswoman Marla Surface said:
It's amazing how awesome our new technology is. We are still leagues above our competitors. Did Apple predict this victory? Did Google? Nope!
According to Surface, Microsoft's proprietary algorithm has also correctly predicted:
- The 2014 Olympics will be in Sochi
- Miley Cyrus would "twerk" at the VMAs
- Barack Obama would win a second term as president
- Country Singer George Jones would die last April 26
- iPad Air would be introduced November 1, 2013
When told that all of these things occurred or were announced in the past and that there was no way to verify Microsoft's claim, Surface became quite indignant "How are we supposed to verify?!?".
We asked Surface to give us a prediction for something that would happen within the next three months, Surface responded:
If we reveal something now, then events might be set in motion which could change the future, and that might mean bad things for Microsoft's market dominance. The only thing I will say is that, sometime in 2014, a big name celebrity will die and that there is going to be a storm or natural disaster. Just wait--you'll see I'm right and that Microsoft's algorithm is the BEST!