Kids Web Surfing All Day

Q. Dear Cyberlady,

I have three children, ages 5, 7 and 12. I want them to be more physically active and not playing video games and web surfing all day. What can I do? Also, how do I protect them from inadvertently stumbling onto offensive content? How can I tell if they've visited such sites? -- Tiffany

Dearest Tiffany,

Blocking offensive content is easy. Turn on a tape recorder (a digital one is acceptable), get on your knees, and pray until you start speaking in tongues. When you have returned to earth, play back the tape. Block any site that you mentioned while in your religious trance.

As for making your kids go outside, when mine were young I built a 12x12 cage out of cyclone fencing and padlocked them in it for 4-5 hours per day. Be sure the fence goes deep enough so that they can't dig their way out. Best wishes!