"Glassholes" Commit Mass Suicide

CYBERSPACE -- 1,500 early adopters of Google Glass committed virtual suicide last night when they learned that Google was discontinuing the product.

"I couldn't believe it," said Glass afficionado Angel McLaren. "I *love* my Google Glass. It's so much fun to walk into a bar and piss people off just by wearing it!"

"Glass was my entire identity," said David Gedintis. "I love how superior it made me feel amongst the commoners."

"We really need to protest," said Rachel Trustfundafarian. "This is discrimination against the technorati!" [Editors note: sadly, after this interview, Ms. Trustfundafarian walked onto the freeway in protest and was struck by a semi.]

The Glass community gathered at the Mission Community Center for a few moments of silent meditation, then they surfed the web until they found an animated fire and virtually threw themselves in.