Comcast Buys Internet

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Comcast Corporation announced that it has purchased the entire Internet in exchange for a $3 million payment to the federal government. The company plans to continue to offer high-speed internet access, but will begin adding a $50 "Internet Fee" to all bills. Users who do not have Comcast will no longer be allowed to surf the web.

The company also says it plans to go through each and every web site, one by one, to make sure they "are in the best interest of Comcast customers" and that sites found to be non-compliant will be sent to the "virtual cornfield".

"That's a really good thing Comcast did," said a spokesperson from Netflix. "Really good."

"We couldn't be happier," said Sergey Brin of Google. "We love Comcast. Comcast is great".

"Having one company control the entire Internet could be problematic," said the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) in a statement released yesterday. "But because it's Comcast, it's really good. Tomorrow's going to be a real good day!

We here at Tech4Days concur. We love Comcast. Really. Honest.