CHICAGO, IL -- The current cold snap has created unforeseen problems for anonymous hackers. One of them, we'll call him AH, agreed to meet with us at a Starbucks on Michigan Ave. where he was stealing bank and credit card information from unsuspecting web surfers.
T4D: How has this cold spell affected you?
AH: People are already more careful when they use a public WiFi network. Sometimes, it can take me an hour or more before someone uses their bank password or logs into Amazon or something. With all this cold, as you can see, there's very few people in here. This means it will take me even longer. I might have to spend four hours to get access to someone's bank account. Add another hour to create a fake debit card and by then I've spent five hours just to get the $300 limit from an ATM. It's almost not even worth it.
T4D: You said that the cold causes other problems, too?
AH: Yeah. When I put card skimmers on gas pumps they sometimes get frozen to the pump and I've got to pour hot water on them to unfreeze them. This wrecks the skimmers a lot of the time, but the gas station owners don't want to hear it. They just want their cut of the money.
T4D: I read that some hackers have been forced to go "old school" in the winter. What's that about?
AH: Well, this guy I know likes to pour water on the sidewalk then when someone falls he just steals their credit cards, but that's not right. It's too low tech for me.
T4D: I've experienced virtual winter in games such as Morrowind and Minecraft and it didn't seem so bad.
AH: Virtual winter is the one thing that's saving my butt this year. Last month I released my "Snowy Winter Free Screensaver" that created a zombie network of a few thousand PC's. Unfortunately, mostly old people downloaded the screensaver and their PC's are crap plus they turn them off at night so I haven't been able to use the network as much as I'd like.
T4D: Who is you next target, if you don't mind me asking?
AH: Not at all. I'm going after the TV stations. Not because they have anything valuable I want, but because I'm sick of all the cutesy names they come up with for storms like "Snowmageddon" and "Chiberia". Plus, everytime there's a flake of snow it's the "storm of the century". It's winter. It's cold. It snows. GET OVER IT!