BOISE, ID -- Even though winter has not yet officially begun, scientists are wasting no time searching for a way to keep Frosty the Snowman, III from melting away this spring.
"I watched his father melt away last year," said Melinda Crenshaw, a Cryogenic Specialist at the University of Idaho. "He just kept screaming 'my god someone help me!' It was horrific! One of his eyes fell out, then his nose fell off. After that, I had to look away."
James Spencer remembers the same thing happening with Frosty III's grandfather the year before that. "We thought we could keep him in the meat locker at Grind Modern Burger but the Health Department, unfortunately, had other ideas."
Area residents remain skeptical that the government can help them, and with good reason. The Affordable Care act, commonly called "Obamacare", which took effect earlier this year only requires insurers to cover refrigeration treatment, not freezing or cryogenics.
"A refrigerator just won't cut it," said Paddy McTavish, a local bar owner. "#&$*&#*&& government can't do anything for Frosty. He's on his own."