Anthem Tells Data Theft Victims to "Buck Up"

OXNARD, CA -- Anthem Blue Cross, which was recently hacked, sent letters to the 80 million people whose data was stolen telling them to "buck up" and "stop whining". In case the letter hasn't reached you yet, Tech4Days is reprinting it here.

Dear Anthem Subscriber,

As you may have heard, your data was recently compromised by hackers who took your name, address, Social Security Number, User ID and Password. We are writing to provide you with advice on dealing with this issue, but only because the State of California is making us.

      • BUCK UP: you're not the first person to have their data stolen and you're not likely to be the last so MAN UP or, if you're a woman GIRL UP or, if you're of indeterminate gender, BIGENDER UP or whatever it is that you do.
      • STOP WHINING: whining and snivelling isn't going to get you anywhere. You're lucky we even insured you in the first place.
      • YOUR SECRETS ARE SAFE--FOR NOW: Only your identity was stolen, not your medical records. So, while thieves may loot your bank account, steal your tax refund, and open credit cards in your name; your friends aren't going to find out that you take boner pills.

Seriously, what did you expect? Our CEO makes $90 million so we can only afford one I.T. guy who works for $5 an hour out of Guyana. This breach was inevitable so just shut up and move on with your life.

Sincerely,

Anthem

In related news, Kaiser Permanente is reporting that it has received 80 million new applications for health insurance.