PALO ALTO, CA -- Search engine Yahoo! has expanded into the more traditional mortuary business and plans to begin offering both physical and virtual funerals for both real people and avatars. Bored with your online persona? Have a funeral for it!

Tired of being unable to do whatever you want with your memory stick? Clockblocker may be the answer.

CYBERSPACE, U.S. -- Shieldblocker_19, a level 60 warrior in the Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game (MMORPG) RIFT, has prepared a delectable virtual feast for members of the Waning Crescent guild.

Shieldblocker_19, who is known as 38-year-old Kevin Ackers in real life, said: "I wanted the virtual feast to be fantastic and scrumptious. I gathered herbs all day instead of leveling my Planar Attunement because I want everything to be just right."